Editorial Reviews. From Publishers Weekly. Self-esteem expert Branden outlines the six characteristics that define his guide to better living, emphasizing. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem % Nathaniel Branden % _. Introduction. Let us identify the most important factors on which self-esteem depends. If self-esteem is . The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Nathaniel Brandon asserts in this book that self- . Free Christian ebooks and weekly ebook deals from David C Cook. Christian.

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Download Best Book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, PDF FILE Download The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem Free Collection, PDF Download The. not traceable, at least in part, to the problem of deficient self-esteem. Of all the The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem is, as its sub-title proclaims: “the definitive work on . The six pillars of self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden, , Bantam edition, in English - Bantam trade pbk. ed.

The more solid our self-esteem, the better equipped we are to cope with troubles that arise in our personal lives, or in our careers. And, the quicker we are to pick ourselves up after a fall, the more energy we have to begin anew.

The higher our self-esteem, the more ambitious we tend to be. Not necessarily in a career or financial sense, but in terms of what we hope to experience in life -- emotionally, intellectually, creatively, spiritually.

The lower our self-esteem, the less we aspire to, the less we are likely to achieve. Either path tends to be self-reinforcing, and self-perpetuating. The higher our self-esteem, the stronger the drive to express ourselves, reflecting the sense of richness within. The lower our self-esteem, the more urgent the need to "prove" ourselves, or to forget ourselves by living mechanically and unconsciously.

The higher our self-esteem, the more open, honest, and appropriate our communications are likely to be -- because we believe our thoughts have value and we welcome rather than fear clarity. The lower our self-esteem, the more muddy, evasive, and inappropriate our communications are likely to be because of uncertainty about our own thoughts and feelings, and our anxiety about the listeners response.

The healthier our self-esteem, the more inclined we are to treat others with respect, benevolence, good will and fairness -- since we do not tend to perceive them as a threat, and since self-respect is the foundation of respect for others.

We tend to feel most comfortable, most "at home", with persons whose self-esteem level resembles our own. Opposites may attract about some issues, but not this one. High self-esteem individuals tend to be drawn to high self-esteem individuals. We do not see a passionate love affair for example, with persons at opposite ends of the self-esteem continuum.

Just as we are not likely to see a passionate romance between intelligence and stupidity. I am speaking of passionate love -- not a brief infatuation or a sexual episode, which can operate by a different set of dynamics.

Medium self-esteem individuals are typically attracted to medium self-esteem individuals.

Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem seeks low self-esteem in others -- not consciously of course, but by the logic of that of that which leads us to feel we have encountered a soul mate.

The most disastrous of relationships are those between persons who think poorly of themselves. The union of two abysses does not produce a height. It is not difficult to see the importance of self-esteem in the arena of intimate relationships.

There is no greater barrier to romantic happiness, than the fear that I am undeserving of love, and that my destiny is to be hurt. Such fears give birth to self-fulfilling prophecies. Love If I enjoy a fundamental sense of efficacy and worth, and experience myself as loveable, then I have a foundation for appreciating and loving others -- I have something to give. I am not trapped in feelings of deficiency. If I lack respect and enjoyment of who I am, I have very little to give -- except my unfilled needs.

In my emotional impoverishment, I tend to see other people essentially as sources of approval or disapproval. I do not appreciate them for who they are in their own right. I see only what they can or cannot do for me. I am not looking for people whom I can admire and with whom I can share the excitement and adventure of life -- I'm looking for people who will not condemn me, and perhaps, will be impressed by my persona -- the face I present to the world.

My ability to love remains undeveloped. We have all heard the observation that "if you do not love yourself you will be unable to love others". Less well-understood, is the other half of the story -- If I do not feel loveable, it is very difficult to believe that anyone loves me.

If I do not accept myself, how can I accept your love for me? Your warmth and devotion are confusing -- they confound my self-concept, since I know I am not loveable. Thus, even if I consciously disown my feelings -- even if I try to insist or try to insist that I am wonderful -- my poor self-concept remains deep within to undermine my attempts at relationships.

Unwittingly, I become a saboteur at relationships. I attempt love, but the foundation of inner security is not there. Instead, there is the secret fear that I am destined only for pain, so I pick someone who will inevitably reject and abandon me. Or, if I pick someone with whom happiness might be possible, I subvert the relationship by demanding excessive reassurances, or by venting irrational possessiveness, or by making catastrophes of small frictions, or by seeking control through subservience or domination -- by finding ways to reject my partner, before my partner can reject me.

Everyone knows the famous Groucho Marx joke that he "would never join a club that would have [him] for a member".

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That is exactly the idea by which some low self-esteem people operate their love life. If you love me, you obviously are not good enough for me. Only someone who will reject me is an acceptable object of my devotion. Note that it is not always necessary to destroy the relationship entirely. It may be acceptable that the relationship continue, providing I am not happy. I may engage in a project called "Struggling to be Happy", or "Working on our Relationship".

I may read books on the subject, participate in seminars, attend lectures, or enter psychotherapy with the announced aim of being happy in the future, but not now. Not today. The possibility of happiness in the present is too terrifyingly immediate.

Happiness anxiety, as I call it, is very common. Happiness can activate internal voices saying "I don't deserve this", or "It will never last", or "I'm riding for a fall", or "I'm killing my mother and father, by being happier than they were! What is required for many of us is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage.

Until such time as we lose the fear of it, and realise that it will not destroy us, and it need not disappear. One day at a time, I will tell clients: "See if you can get through today without doing anything to undermine or subvert your good feelings.

And if you fall of the wagon, don't despair. Pull yourself back up, and recommit yourself to happiness. Such perseverance is self-esteem building. Self-Fulfilling Prophecies Self-esteem creates a set of implicit expectations about what is possible and appropriate to us.

These expectations tend to generate the actions that turn them into realities, and the realities tend to confirm and strengthen the original beliefs. Self-esteem, high or low, tends to be a generator of self-fulfilling prophecies. Self-concept is destiny. Or, more precisely, it tends to be. Our self-concept is who and what we consciously think we are -- our physical and psychological traits, our assets and liabilities, possibilities and limitations, strengths and weaknesses.

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A self-concept includes our level of self-esteem, but is more global. We cannot understand a person's behaviour, without understanding the self-concept behind it. People sabotage themselves at the height of their success all the time. They do so when success clashes with their implicit beliefs of what is appropriate to them. It is frightening to be flung beyond the limits of one's idea of who one is.

If a self-concept can not accommodate a given level of success, and the self-concept does not change, it is predictable that the person will find ways to self-sabotage. Poor self-esteem places us in an adversarial relationship with our well-being. Too Much Self-Esteem? The question is sometimes asked -- "Is it possible to have too much self-esteem? No it is not. No more than it is possible to have to much physical health, or too powerful an immune system.

Sometimes self-esteem is confused with boasting, or bragging, or arrogance. These traits reflect not too much self-esteem, but too little. They reflect a lack of self-esteem. Persons of high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves superior to others.

They do not seek to prove their value by measuring themselves against a comparative standard. Their joy is in being who they are, not in being better than someone else. I recall reflecting on this issue one day while watching my dog playing in the back yard.

She was running about, sniffing flowers, chasing flowers, leaping into the air, showing a great job in being. I'm sure she was not thinking she was more glad to be alive, than the dog next door. She was simply delighting in her own existence. That image captures something essential of how I understand the experience of healthy self-esteem. People with troubled self-esteem are often uncomfortable in the presence of those with higher self-esteem.

They may feel resentful and declare "They have too much self-esteem. The sad truth is, whoever is successful in this world runs the risk of being a target. People of low achievement often envy people of high achievement. Those who are unhappy often envy and resent those who are happy. And those of low self-esteem sometimes like to talk about the danger of having, as they put it, too much self-esteem. Self-esteem as a Basic Need When Nothing is "Enough" A poor self-esteem does not necessarily mean that we will be incapable of achieving any real values.

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Some of us may have the talent, energy and drive to achieve a great deal, in spite of feelings of inadequacy, or unworthiness. An example is the highly productive work-aholic who is driven to prove his worth to, say, a father who predicted he would always be a loser. But a poor self-esteem does mean that we will be less effective, and less creative than we have the power to be, and it means that we will be crippled in our ability to find joy in our achievements.

Nothing we do will ever feel like "enough". If my aim is to prove I am enough, the project goes on to infinity -- because the battle was already lost the day I conceded the issue was debatable.

So it is always "One more victory". One more promotion. One more sexual conquest. One more company. One more piece of jewelry. A larger house, a more expensive car, another award. Yet the void within remains unfilled. In today's culture, some frustrated people who hit this impasse announce that they have decided to pursue a spiritual path, and renounce their egos. This enterprise is doomed to failure. An ego, in the mature and healthy sense, is precisely what they have failed to attain.

They dream of giving away what they do not possess. No-one can successfully by-pass the need for self-esteem.

A word of caution If one error is to deny the importance of self-esteem, another is to claim too much for it. In their enthusiasm, writers today seem to suggest that a healthy sense of self-value is all we need to assure happiness and success.

The matter is more complex than that.

A well developed sense of self is a necessary condition of our well-being, but not a sufficient condition. It's presence does not guarantee fulfilment, but it's lack guarantees some level of anxiety, frustration, or despair. Self-esteem is not a substitute for a roof over one's head, or food in one's stomach, but it increases the likelihood that one will find and meet such needs.

Self-esteem is not a substitute for the knowledge and skills one needs to operate effectively in the world, but it increases the likelihood that one will acquire them. The Challenges of the Modern World The survival value of self-esteem is especially evident today. We have reached a moment in history when self-esteem, which has always been a supremely important psychological need, has also become a supremely important economic need. It is the attribute imperative for adaptiveness in an increasingly complex, challenging and competitive world.

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In the past few decades, the United States has shifted from a manufacturing society to an information society. We now live in a global economy characterised by rapid change, accelerating scientific and technological breakthroughs, and an unprecedented level of competitiveness.

These developments create demands for higher levels of education and training than were required of previous generations. Everyone acquainted with business culture knows this. What is not understood is that these developments also create new demands on our psychological resources.

Specifically, these developments ask for a greater capacity for innovation, self-management, responsibility, and self-direction.

A modern business can no longer be run by a few people who think and many people who just do what they are told.

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Today organisations need not only an unprecedentedly higher level of knowledge and skill among all those who participate, but also a higher level of independence, self-reliance, self-trust, and the capacity to exercise initiative. In a word: self-esteem. The challenge extends further than the world of business: we are freer than the generation before us to choose our own religion, philosophy, or moral code. To adopt our own lifestyle. To select our own criteria for the good life. We no longer have unquestioning faith in tradition.

We no longer believe that government leads to salvation, nor church, nor labour unions, nor big organisations of any kind.

We have more choices and options than ever before in every area. Frontiers of limitless possibilities now face us in whatever direction we look. Are you sure you want to Yes No. Be the first to like this. No Downloads. Views Total views.

Actions Shares. Embeds 0 No embeds. No notes for slide. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem 2. Immense in scope and vision and filled with insight into human motivation and behavior, The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem is essential reading for anyone with a personal or professional interest in self-esteem.

The book demonstrates compellingly why self-esteem is basic to psychological health, achievement, personal happiness, and positive relationships.. Branden introduces the six pillars-six action- based practices for daily living that provide the foundation for self-esteem-and explores the central importance of self-esteem in five areas: The work provides concrete guidelines for teachers, parents, managers, and therapists who are responsible for developing the self- esteem of others.

This pillar explains the need to take control of your happiness and your existence. Many of us continuously blame external factors for the things that happen. However, the blame will not get you anywhere. Instead, you have to adopt a solution-oriented mindset.

Fourth Pillar: The Practice of Self-Assertiveness The next pillar of self-esteem is self-assertiveness, which means that you show the world and yourself your true nature.

To practice it you need to realize that your beliefs are significant. Each time you express them, you strengthen your self-esteem.

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Living purposefully means that you know where to go and what you want. Even if you feel that you already are living purposefully, you have to continually monitor your progress, in order to be sure that in every moment your actions match your goals.

Sixth Pillar: The Practice of Personal Integrity However, the match between actions and goals is just as important as the one between your actions and behaviors and words.

This explains the importance of personal integrity, which manifests itself into a number of everyday, seemingly unimportant things. At times, integrity seems to be the hardest pillar to lean upon, since we live in a society that promotes hypocrisy and dishonesty.

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem 2. Same Prefix, Different Meaning 3. The Practice of Living Consciously 2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance 3.

The Practice of Self-Responsibility 4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness 5. The Practice of Living Purposefully 6. The Practice of Personal Integrity Same Prefix, Different Meaning Self-responsibility, self-acceptance, and self-esteem are three concepts that people have a hard time differentiating.Such people remain frozen in the face of such possibilities -- and pay a terrible price in loss of self-esteem.

But it is the spirit itself that is contaminated. Some form of self-avoidance, or self-repudiation. One of these sayings was "no-one is coming". To observe that the practice of living purposefully is essential to fully realised self-esteem should not be understood to mean that the measure of an individual's worth is his or her external achievements.

I asked this once of a client who was a clergyman and who had great difficulty in owning or experiencing his anger; just the same, he was a very angry man. Whether one believes in a God, and whether one believes we are God's children, is irrelevant to the issue of what self-esteem requires.